Muzza - The Movie

This had better be a wind up.

Andy Murray has three major Hollywood studios competing to make a blockbuster movie of his life, says a report.

Insiders told the Daily Star Sunday that film companies are prepared to pay "millions" for the rights to make a production based on the life of the 22-year-old tennis star.

They said that the Hollywood "bidding war" started after film executives discovered that Andy had survived the Dunblane massacre.

Andy was a pupil at Dunblane Primary School when Thomas Hamilton shot dead 16 pupils and a teacher in the school gym on March 13, 1996.

It has been reported that the Wimbledon semi-finalist rarely speaks of the tragedy but sources allegedly told the newspaper that he may be persuaded to allow them to include this event in a future biopic.

Film producers at Fox studios have claimed that they would "easily match" Murray's career earnings of £4.7million to buy the rights to his life story.

An executive said: "This guy is an absolute inspiration."

Fox faces competition from Universal and Steven Spielberg's DreamWorks studios who are also believed to be in the running to obtain the rights to make a film of Murray's life.

(Source: stv.tv)

If it does turn out to be true, and I'm still not convinced it is (mainly because I think of the Daily Star as the tabloid that makes even the Mirror's toes curl), it raises some pretty serious questions about whoever's in charge of Murray's PR team.

The biography was premature by about 7-10 years. A biopic -- not always a good idea at the best of times -- should perhaps only be considered well after his career is over. And then only if he's won a bunch of Slams.

Only someone like the Williamses, R^F or Woods could carry off a biopic while their career is still active. And I wouldn't be much in favour of that either.

In any case, I'd say the Williamses provide, by far, the most compelling and inspirational material for a Hollywood flick, and would have thought, if the movie execs ever did give a green light to a tennis biopic, that they'd be at the top of the list.

Not that I don't think there's some good material there.

Movie Title: Muzza! (What else?)

Tagline: "There will be blood"/"'Nice' don't win you no titles"/"On a Collision with Destiny"/"Where ambition meets talent"

-- The early years. Grainy slide projector images of a five year old Murray hitting a sponge ball, playing swingball, interspersed with the main plot. The audience is given a glimpse of Andy's competitive spirit with a scene in which a play fight with elder sibling Jamie threatens to turn ugly. Father Willie steps in.

Murray's soon to be coach, witnesses a five year old Murray's desire to win, and his ability to hit a ball with that soon to be iconic double handed backhand; cue slow-mo close-ups and heartbeat sounds.

-- Dunblane

Expect this to take up around 40% of the first half of the movie.

-- Parental Separation

-- Sibling Rivalry - Emerging from brother Jamie's shadow who at the time was the #3 under-12s player behind Gasquet and Nadal.

Jamie is shown scoring an overly-dramatised win over a wirey young thing that turns out to be Gael Monfils. Andy suffers several demoralising one sided losses to Jamie, before beginning to get the better of his older sibling. A final decisive win at Solihull makes the turning of the tide official. Andy celebrates the occasion with much needling and derision of his older sibling. Older sibling punches his hand so hard, his nail ends up embedded in his skin.

-- Winning the Orange Bowl. More excuses for emotional frappery and slow-mo sweat beads. More interestingly, the audience is introduced to a lanky young lad called Juan del Potro, who takes a dim view of the way in which Andy/Judy celebrate points. Seeds of discord offically sown.

-- Talent spotted by Glasgow Rangers FC (possible guest appearance op for Ally McCoist maybe?); signs up to Footy school, eventually deciding upon tennis once again.


-- Move to Barcelona - largely prompted by the shock revelation that "that Nadal kid" trains with the world #1 Carlos Moya, while Andy must train with loveable but significantly less illustrious "big bruv". Staying at home no longer an option, though staying away from home, proves to be less easy than he thought. Much heartache and emotional frothery ensues.

Look out for a locker room scene in which Andy bumps into a 16 year old cocky young thing calling himself Novak Djokovic. After being initially repelled, Murray begins to warm up to this slightly suspicious character, after appreciating that his brash exterior houses a competitive spirit as strong as his own.

-- Winning The US Open Juniors (Cue black and white slow-mo sequences of the action; cue drowning out of all sound except the digitally-remastered echo of the thud when racquet meets ball; cue further close ups of sweat beads; cue slightly suspicious-looking stand-in for SergiyStakhovsky, his opponent in the final)

-- Being awarded the BBC Young Sports Personality of the Year - Rushes to board a plane back from a tournie he was playing in Spain and only makes it to his hotel with 30 mins to spare; look out for the comic moment where he gets locked into the bathroom (#frenetic jazz soundtrack) and has to get a guy from reception to bust the door down. All true BTW. Runs out without a tie with only one hand in the sleeve of his his ill fitting tux (#frenetic jazz soundtrack ends)

-- Called up for Davis Cup Duty - Backgammon lesson from Tim Henman. What? That's right, Murray didn't actually play the Davis Cup in 2004 despite being called up, and instead ended up playing backgammon with Tim Henman.

Sorry, but this has got the makings of a classic moment, the heart of the movie right here. It actually has a kind of Ocean's Eleven feel to it, as Tim -- the old-school, middle-class darling of the nation -- masterfully drubs a naive Murray over and over while using the moment to pass on some well meaning advice about dealing with the press, the burden of the nation's expectations and his future in the game. The Changing of the Guards. Right there. And nothing symbolises that better than backgammon with Tim Henman.

That rounds up my picks of what I think will make for the best movie material. But don't expect either of the following to be missing either.

-- Goes senior (2005), youngest player to play Davis Cup for GB

-- Thailand Open final, loss to Federer

-- Defeating Roddick at Wimbledon (2006) - "I've really arrived now"

-- Remarks on England Football team. And subsequent fallout.

-- Beating Federer in Cinci 06. Close up live shots of Federer seething. The fact that this was the worst ever match I remember Federer playing prior to 2008 is airbrushed out of history and super-imposed with an image that presents Federer as a kind of Apollo Creed figure, unimpressed and slightly irked with the young upstart.

-- Split with Gilbert

-- Dubai 2008 - Second win over Federer. Federer really seething now. His image as the faltering and somewhat cranky champion is given further fuel with the revelation of his post match assessment of Murray as essentially a "grinder".

-- "You and your Mum, always the same" - I'm Juan. Remember Me? Gangly kid from the Orange Bowl? The scene milks the appeal Murray might garner for something as universally virtuous as standing up for your mum. Both players are subsequently shown to have buried the hatchet.

-- Wimby 08, and that "Bicep Moment"

-- "Grapple in the Apple" (Or the US Open 2008) - Even though he lost in straights to Fed, I see this playing out as a kind of Mohammad Ali "When We Were Kings" styled documentary mini-feature. With contributions from Don King ("Murray's loose as a goose"), Will Ferrell (doing his Zoolander Mugatu thing) and Richard Branson (looking pleased as punch with himself, like he always does).

-- Ice baths with Team Murray. Sorry to put that grizzly image in your head. But ice baths are a common feature of Murray's rise to the top. And tend to be 'Team' events.